Saturday, September 5, 2009


I can't find a single word of congratulations or encouragement or anything from anyone on my mother's side of the family. Nothing.

You can all just sit on it. Assholes.

One of you went through some shit this summer. I understand. One of you thinks that you're very intimidating and tough, though in reality you're just incoherent and a bad speller. (Maybe in person what you say and what you think you say match up better?) The rest of you I'm actually surprised at. Why?

I shouldn't be. I know better than to think that joy could be celebrated or shared without dragging in bullshit. I had a baby. I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl and I'm supremely happy with her and with our family. Anything outside of that is garbage. Anyone trying to make this event about anything else is garbage too.

My parents haven't even had anything to say to me. Not one thing. Aaron called to let them know the good news while I was sleeping (Obviously, I wasn't making any phone calls at that point but we wanted everyone to know) and we found out they were on vacation. Fine. We tried their cell. It's off. Fine. We called grandparents the next day and were informed that my parents were so nervous and scared about the birth that they took a vacation to Connecticut. That sentence still doesn't make any sense to me. "They're just so worried and nervous that they had to get away and go to Connecticut." I suppose they do have an old drinking buddy living there, maybe that's the solace they sought. It certainly had nothing to do with me or the birth, since they just turned off their phones anyway. Maybe the birth was just a conveniently timed excuse?

About a week before the birth my father called to say that they weren't going to make it up here for the birth. I wasn't aware there had ever been a chance that they would. I mean, they never once made it out to Denver. Why would Alaska be more likely? Now I see that they apparently had time off work and 'weren't going to make it' because they found better plans. Or something. I don't know, they aren't interested in talking to me.

They keep telling Aaron that we feel the same way about Addie as they felt (notice the past tense) about me. If they ever felt for me the way I feel about my daughter they'd have called to talk to me by now. They'd have wanted to see pictures, they'd have come visit or tried to help. They have no idea how I feel about my daughter. None. Partly because it's impossible to really know and partly because they're very, very different people than we are.

For instance: Addie and I have had a hard time with breastfeeding so far. It's been tricky. Apparently, my mother had a hard time nursing me as well. What was our response? We called a lactation specialist, our midwives, found other breastfeeding moms, wrote the La Leche League, read books, and researched on the internet until we found solutions to make this work. What was their response? To give up and blame the infant. My mother says I scratched her and that's why they stopped, my father told Aaron that I refused to eat and that's why they stopped. Addie has scratched me many times and we've had to resort to expressing and hand feeding more than once, but I would never blame her for our struggles. She's an infant, we're the adults. If this attempt at breastfeeding fails, it is our fault, or no one's fault, but certainly not the fault of the newborn. I suppose the action of blaming a newborn doesn't necessarily reflect the full and accurate picture of the feelings of the adults, but it reflects the general idea.

And it generally sucks.

But then, so do they. They too, can absolutely just sit on it. Apparently they're sending us something. Maybe it's an apology. Or a congratulations card. At this point, I'm not sure it matters. Seriously? You call twice and don't ever think to ask to speak to me? Fuck off. And one of you still hasn't called at all. No, I'm not asking to speak with you. I want you to want to speak with me. I want parents who want to have a daughter.

Again with the wanting of that which does not exist. If my parents want a daughter, they have my cousin that lives around the corner. It's been my impression that you'd have preferred her anyway.

Another new skill set I have to learn is how to recognize when they're trying to draw my attention and energy away from my daughter. Then, I can refocus and prioritize. I'm so over this crap.

I have lots of new pictures coming, including a video of Addie hiccuping. Her belly draws in so FAR when she has the hiccups! They must feel so powerful to her. No wonder she gets kind of miffed. I think we'll video burping her too. She makes this huge array of weird faces when we try to burp her. Very cute.

And the dryer's done. I'm so glad we're using cloth diapers. If we were using disposables, I'd just see a trash bag full of wasted money. With cloth, I just see a load of laundry that takes about 5 minutes of my time and almost zero effort and I remember that we'll be able to re-sell these when we're done. Disposables are for suckers! (haha - just kidding)

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