Friday, September 18, 2009

Nursing SUCKS!

I've had so many nursing problems and nothing seems to be getting any better. If I hear "Stay encouraged!" one more time I'm going to vomit.

My LO is 3 weeks old and all she wants to do is nurse. My nipples look like hamburger meat and hurt ALL THE TIME. She has an incredibly shallow latch and can only latch onto me without the nipple shield maybe 30% of the time. People kept telling me that she is just building my supply, but she spits up during and after every feeding, so what would she need MORE milk for? She eats until she gets sick as it is!

Originally, I wanted to wait and not give a pacifier until around 8 weeks, but I can't do this much longer. When she is awake she is either nursing or crying, and today I'd rather she be crying.

I just can't do this anymore. Her latch is SO PAINFUL. I've been told that it isn't supposed to be but it is. I have a lactation nurse that has been coming out once a week but her latch isn't any better. If anything it hurts more because she's learned that she can take the nipple shield with her when she turns her head and she can keep sucking so she tries to do that with me too.

I've also been to an LLL meeting and I've been speaking with a leader about my issues but she just seems to give me all the same stuff I've been reading in books. And I don't want emotional support, I want the problems gone. Maybe my desire to disengage is proof that I do need emotional support.

She's upstairs crying with DH right now. She's been nursing for about three and a half hours (a pretty normal evening for us) and she's really upset that she isn't nursing now. I don't think it's possible that her stomach could still be empty, and she wont sleep for more than 10 minutes. Last week we tried giving her milk I'd pumped (trying to keep up my supply) but she wouldn't have any of it. We fed her by dropper for days before we got the shield so she knows what it is, but she didn't want it, she held it in her mouth for a few minutes, let it fall back out and went back to crying.

I had been pumping daily, but my nipples are FAR too big for the shells on my pump and that seemed to make the pain in my nipples so much worse. I've ordered bigger shields, but I live in the middle of nowhere so they're taking a while to come in. I finally quit pumping because I figured even with the shields she's on the breast SO MUCH that my supply won't really have a chance to decrease.

So she eats until she falls asleep, then wakes up crying for the breast again. Sometimes she'll go an hour or occasionally more, but frequently she'll nurse every 10 minutes. I really don't think I've yet spent 5 minutes with my daughter awake and not nursing. At this point, breastfeeding is RUINING our relationship, not helping it.

DH thinks that letting her cry it out would be better than getting her a pacifier because crying it out won't teach her bad habits. I figure her latch can't get worse but her opinion of us and ability to trust can.

I wish I could let her nurse while she wanted to but I'm in so much pain that I've started yelling and jerking away from her and I'm afraid I'm going to end up grabbing at her mouth or something.

I'm ready to go buy formula and get her off me altogether. At least that way I could get some sleep and maybe be a good mother to her instead of trying to avoid her and get away from her every chance I get.

I'm so discouraged. What do I do?

1 comment:

  1. Oh Darling, I'm soo sorry! This sounds so rough. We got a pacifier for Kayla the very first night in the hospital. These days she takes it when ever she is fussy, and usually uses it to help her fall asleep, but then once she is asleep, she spits it out. I guess we should start getting her off it, but oh well.

    I know a little bit of the kind of pain you are talking about and you have my deepest sympathies! I cant imagine going through that ALL the TIME!! I was lucky that she was more of a every 2-3 hour girl.

    I wonder if she is just a bit colicy and needs to suck on something to be soothed. I'd really suggest a pacifier... swaddling and pacifier were the only ways to calm Kayla down..

    Anyway, we are behind you all the way, what ever you have to do to get through this. Lots of Prayers and lots of Love!!